Love Lost....

It's peculiar when you are young and think that the boy or girl you think you love will be with you the better part of 50 years. Think about 50 years and that is a very long time. When Marnie and I started dating back in 1988, I was far from loving her just for the fact nobody that young knows the true meaning. Boyfriend/girlfriend dumb. Of course, what your feeling is infatuation then that later turns to affection then along comes love. Now mind you that is my thought and wasn't picked up in any book or advise from people.

We didn't look ahead to 2004 when our marriage started it's decent or 4 years later when we would both be dating other people. Marnie tells me that she was the most loyal person I could have known and I believe her. She was a great wife and best friend. If I could see then what I see now things would have turned out different for us. We did make a great couple and were good at what we did. The blame lies for our demise with me and me only. I got comfortable in the fact that the way things were suppose to go in a marriage was like my father and mothers marriage. As a kid you see things different and you miss the nuances of the mechanisms of marriage. My father was the bread winner and my mother stayed home. He ruled the house and my mother backed him no matter if he was wrong or ultimately right. My household didn't consist of that. I look back at my ways of the household and see many things I did wrong. Communication was the biggest one. I assumed that since I was home after work that's all that needed to be done for our little household to work. I was ultimately wrong.

I tell everybody who asks that I did enjoy being married to Marnie. She was good at it and that felt comforting. Things we did I will miss. The memories will fade over time but I keep a few fresh by thinking of them often. Just because we no longer love each other doesn't mean you can't look back with fondness at good times. We did have a lot of good times.

No man can honestly say that mistakes made that end a marriage will not be repeated. I hope in my future that I can try the best I can from the mistakes I made and hope that I don't have to go through this ever again. Marnie was the first true love of my life and have been told that you always think of your first for the rest of your life.

I have been truly blessed to have been part of her family and loved by them. That is the hardest part of my situation. I believe that Marnie has moved past me and is ready to begin her life anew. Thank you Marnie for loving me and caring for me. I am truly sorry for all the grief I have placed upon you.

Eric