A Retrospect...
Monday, August 4
Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives, but I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all... we're only mortal...
I’ve been doing this blog thing for a while. I started on the “BlogSpirit” website for about 8 months prior to coming to Blogger. In the early days on BlogSpirit my posts were not quite interesting. Basically a daily diary of what I did. I didn’t know how to do it very well and looked at others to get an idea how to write.
I started reading past posts last weekend and tried to remember what I was thinking, where I was and the topic of the posts. It made me sad to think that most of them revolved around situations of my life…Meaning certain things would take place in the middle of a posts and I would include them while I wrote. A lot involved my former wife Marnie and the house we shared in Piedmont. I would read and get a mental picture of the time I was talking about in the post and actually remember specific things about that moment. It actually makes me sad to remember that. The familiar feeling of the moment and the happiness (which I thought) that was felt. The sounds of the TV and Kahlyn playing. Ugh…
Do I miss my life of days back then? Of course I do.. Very much so. Comforting knowing that you had a circle in which you could depend on. A family core in which you interacted and helped. Events leading up to my departure from that core were a joint effort by both Marnie and I. I miss the familiarity of the situations and the events that took place. I smell certain things and they remind me of places. There is a movie that is one of my favorites. It’s a movie in which the core premise is “Time”. Time keeps moving forward and never stops. The movie is one of the “Star Trek” movies called “Generations“. It’s the story of a man who desperately wants to live in a moment forever. Remembering the family he lost and was unable to cope with the emptiness left by their deaths. So he discovers an entity called “The Nexus” The Nexus is a ribbon that travels through space and anybody who is caught in it remains there without knowing it forever. Only the joy of the moment most happy to the person, reliving it over and over. Of course, Captain Picard and James T. Kirk has to fuck it up for this poor bastard.
I miss my family very much. Believe it or not but I do cry thinking about what we were and could have been. Since becoming single and alone. I can’t figure why I wanted to be alone when I had a family core. Stupidity I suppose. I figure it was the quiet. I needed just a fraction of time to get the ringing in my ears to stop from the daily grind. So.. In retrospect… If I had a temporal Nexus fly by me some day… I would definitely jump because a moment comes and goes in seconds and can make you live a lifetime inside it. Sure there is many more moments that will happen to me and I hope they are as memorable as the ones remembered as a family. But for now I will have to make do with the temporal “Nexus” in my mind.
