Cut That Wild Hair....

Okay... I'm usually not the type to mess with evolution. Things are the way they are for a reason correct?? Well... I messed with evolution.

When I moved into an apartment with my brother awhile back he had this contraption. It was in the cabinet in the bathroom with all of his "get ready in the morning stuff". You know, toothpaste, mouthwash, razor, etc... Well I happen upon this mechanized piece of equipment about as big around as a dry erase marker and just as long. It had a slide switch on it and buzzed when activated. I'm thinking... "That sick little bastard..." After I pondered the potential uses for this little device, in disgust I tossed it back with the rest of his shit and then washed my hands... with Clorox Multicleaner.

When I saw him a while,after my brush with potential disturbia, I asked him about the "thing" in the cupboard. He didn't have a goddamn clue what I was talking about. So, I showed him gripping the device with my forefinger and my thumb as if it was a soiled condom thrown onto the floor. He grabs it from my fingers and says.... "Ya dumb fuck... it's a nose hair trimmer!" I said, "Ahh.. okay." Then I thought, "Ah shit!!!A nose hair trimmer.. Ew...Brett's nose hair trimmer. Egad."

I said, "Your nose hairs get long enough to have to be lopped off?" He then says,"They get out of control and peek every so often. Don't yours??" I thought for a second and recalled if I ever had any peeking. "Yeah I guess.. He goes," What do you do.. yank it out? I reply, Well, yeah. He gives me a goofy look and says " That hurts too fuckin' bad." I said, "You're not kidding." He then goes on to say the he will soak the blades and tip in alcohol and clean them in the morning, Then I can try it out and see if it works for me.

I give it a go the next day. I know what you bastards are thinking. Eww!!!. Well, it's not like I'm borrowing a pair of day old underwear from the the man and for god sakes.. he's my little brother. I hesitate at first.. then proceed to stick the trimmer in my right nostril. As I move it around, I can hear the blades cutting and think..."Hey... this is pretty cool. No yanking pain and it's twice as fast." I finish both nostrils and drop the tip and blade into more alcohol to clean.

Later he asks if I liked it and I reply, " Yeah it's cool but I'll deal with them if they [the hair] comes back. He shrugs his shoulders and returns to what ever he was doing before talking to me.

Move ahead.. say two weeks. I wake in the morning for work, go into the bathroom glance in the mirror for a second before I take the first piss of the day and to my utter surprise... There had to have been 6 or 7 hairs in each nostril sticking out. Some longer than others. But to my shock were the gray ones. I'm thinking somebody in the night shoved 2 New Years eve party favors up my nose as a fucking joke. I say out loud... " Holy shit". Then as fast as I can I began pulling those little bastards. Now the hair grows twice as fast and comes back in an assortment of colors

None the less, I ended up buying my own. So the moral to my wee tale here is. Don't snoop through you little brother shit with the fervor of a curious cat. You'll just be messing around with something much larger and uncontrollable... Human Evolution.