Thinking...

I am a thinker. I always have been. I think of things I've done and realize what I could have done different or changed the method of an action. Lately, I have found it hard to do things the way they need to be done to achieve success or an objective. Usually, things work out based on a certain "quick" plan and things are copacetic. But in the last 6 weeks I am finding it hard to act appropriately.

Case in point, I dated a good friend briefly, in which everything I did went horribly wrong. I knew they were wrong but being the stubborn bastard that is me, I followed through, with regret, seconds after doing them. I knew I was doing wrong and maybe my mind was ultimately setting me up to fail because of a "fate" thing. Or because I over thought things that should have been left simple. I believe the latter. Being a thinker ultimately ended a potential relationship with a person, I believe, would have been a great match and I would have been very happy with. I don't know if I was reading her non actions as a sign of a problem or a potential problem, or I should have just listened to the wee voice in the smallest closet in my thick skull to which said, "Don't worry, let things ride and reap the benefits... you stupid shit!!" Unfortunately, the wee voice was drowned out by the much larger "Thinker" voice who had no business opening it's very large piehole and forcing me to screw up.

I heard the wee voice squeek out... "I told you so you ignorant fucker..." after the last wall crumbled in on itself destroying the relationship I wanted so bad. Such is life.... My life. Will I learn from the mistakes made in the "Thinking episode"? I think so. I stop now and wait to hear the wee voice's squeeky closet door open ever so slightly and the intelligent voice to guide me to salvation. Too bad it's 3 weeks too late.

Lost....

I lost...